aita for uninviting my stepdad

Itll suck, but sounds like theyre quite toxic and you have the awareness to recognize it. Screw this chick. Send them a video of a grown man having an asthma attack. I am assuming your fiance has been putting up with this out of respect for you and your family. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Ive been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for months, even though it would be free. Stuck to your guns, your poor finance has been through more than enough and must really love you to have tolerated this bullshit. If YOU don't drive a wedge between you and your family over this, what kind of partner would you be? You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. If people didn't unironically say stuff like this, then the /s wouldn't be needed, but there are people like that. Wtf ! NTA. I think you had every right to call them out and univite them; their response says it all. NTA, and kindly remind your dad, brother, uncle and cousin that they got themselves uninvited. Tell your dad that he shouldn't hide behind your mom if he is such a man. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This should go for anyone who defend them as well. For me, the slashed tires would be the moment where I call the police. I understand this is the environment you grew up in, and might not know better, but hopefully these comments help with that. I mentioned this in another comment below but I had to get all my tires replaced last October right before I went on vacation and that cost ran over 600. OP, these arent pranks. When I got engaged to my boyfriend who is a city kid who makes a living in the arts, they hugged him. Hiding his inhaler was incredibly stupid and they are the ones that should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness so that the family relationship will not be ruined. NTA They slashed his car tires, made him play chess (How does that even determine manly status the hell? NTA. AmItheAsshole Original (deleted) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 S G 2021-08-23 19:35:32 I'll just get this out of the way. Yup, this is essentially hazing someone who doesn't even want to be in their stupid frat. I scrolled too far to read this. Your username is literally what you should be doing. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. If it had been malicious intent, there would have been hell to pay. The spares too if they were mounted externally. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. anyway, its my mums birthday next week and i was going to take the family out for dinner at a nice restaurant. He fights everything that's put in place to help him and rejects the idea that he's actually making things much worse for himself and for his relationships. The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. I hope her step dad has the good sense to withdraw his financial support from the wedding. My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. They are absolutely brilliant in other ways and some of the kindest people I know. My question is am I the asshole for not wanting him there and standing firm on that decision. If they don't go NC, I can definitely see cousins bullying her children for being "soft" because their dad and grandpa said Uncle Tim is soft, too. His lips are turning purple! Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. Did they pay to replace his slashed tires? AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! Since he buys high quality tires, that'd have been an immediate vandalism report. Was your dad expecting that you "uninvite" your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you invited him? You need to do more than not invite them from the wedding. OP's family are criminal thugs who are endangering his life. NTA, that's not typical "men stuff", your dad, uncle, brother and cousin are bullies. They are astoundingly in the wrong and you are right to uninvite them. First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. And theyre not sorry. Did they pay for the tyres? They were so busy feeding their egos that it didn't occur to them that they were jerks who were committing a crime when slashing tires and seriously risking the fiances life when they hid his inhaler. Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. This is toxic masculinity at it's finest. Hey OP, your family sucks big time. I've been there. Keep asking why. I would cut them off and not look back. He said Im stressing him out but Im like guy, youre stressing me out., and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? If I were the step-dad, I'd pull all my wedding funds. These aren't pranks. Talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion. You wouldn't be much of a partner if you didn't put your foot down. This is abuse. Op is young and grew up with this, I dont fault them for not knowing better but the lesson here is its okay to stop talking to abusive people even if their family. It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). OP needs to uninvite mom for defending the others as well. That should NEVER be something to joke about! I would've called police on them after the tire incident. yeah, what kind of balanced human being needs to ask reddit if this kinda shit is ok? NTA. Apologize to this man. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. Support your fianc and ditch your shitty family. I'd have noped out much sooner no matter how much I liked a guy. They dont deserve to be at the wedding. and it would be lost if theyre banned from the wedding. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. These are not funny pranks, these are "how much will you take?" And why you let things go so far? Me, who has autism and still got that: N0oBs, Thank you. Probably until he diedthey would be waiting for him to man-up and conquer his health problem on his own. NTA Sorry, you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Not just for your fiancs sake, but yours. The thing is, she still acts like she has something to make up for. After making a decision that tore his family in half, he visited the "Am I the A**hole?" NTA. If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him. NTA NTA, but your fiance deserves a better woman. Deconditioning that crap takes time and effort and space and exposure to how people should behave - and guarantee that OP wasn't getting that guidance from the enabling mom. What gives them the right to test him? Also what prank is there in slashing someone's tires? NTA. What they did was just so cruel. NTA. NTA. Damn your dad is awful. They are BULLIES, OP. Pranks dont have the potential to cost people their lives. Toxic man stuff. Managing your family is your job, and you were somehow ok with the constant insults, belittling questions, slashing of tires, etc. Based on how they are described I highly doubt theres would be the type of people to actually confess to hiding his inhaler if he died before he found out and told OP. You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! AITA for telling my (step)dad that his kids are not welcome in my life ever again? this type of toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide. Agreed. #NTA. Thats a lot of shit I would not put up with. You know they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony. NTA and I can see this being a dealbreaker for Tim unless you go low to no contact. What if he'd had asthma attack? If you dont do something, youre going to lose him. Now imagine your family pranking your new husband yet again on what should be a day celebrating the two of you. I can see it nowwife make my grandson a pb and j sandwich (cause we know he wouldn't make it himself) cause he needs to just get over this or its for attention when his airway closes..NTA. Your dad should be proud if he actually values those things and it truly is why tested your fianc. Small people feel the need to put other people down. There's being funny, there's being annoying, there's bullying and there's torture. Your family needs some serious help. The funniest is snipping valve stems. NTA I have a large amount of male cousin I am female they joke but nothing like what you are describing. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. Yes. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. Life saving medication! Does he have to die before you're willing to go no contact? I call this sort of thing radioactive stupidity. I was his tail as a child and went with him everywhere, people knew me as the apple of his eye. Yeah i would have been off the fence after the tires. I wouldve called it quits way before the inhaler incident. Hiding lifesaving medication is not a prank, not even if they say they were going to give it back. Why aren't you protecting your fiance from these assholes? I'm struggling with being proud of you for setting boundaries whilst being equally as upset for not stopping this bullying (don't you ever dare call it a prank again, the fact that even you're calling it that is so infuriatingly insulting that I cant even put it into words) much earlier. Rejecting feminine things like healthy social connections literally shortens their lives. Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle". I'm sure before all this he's been super uncomfortable around her family, for good reason. This post made me so mad. I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. They committed destruction of property at the very least. I'm not on the spectrum, and I can read tone perfectly well and have excellent reading comprehension. After she hung up I asked my fiance if I made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and I get to decide eventually but I knew he said that because he's biased. This is abuse. ETA: please tell me they paid for the tyres. She wont. Who carrys 4 plug kits? Exactly. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be ta because I'm depriving my male relatives of a chance to attend a once in a life event even though they said they were sorry. There could have been serious consequences for their actions. They're going to drive him away from you and be all oh shucks. And their results will be used to judge them for the rest of their lives. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Lets kill his dog to see if he burys his emotions like a real man! All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. Having to replace all four tires is no joke. I'm on the road at 3:30am in NYC so mass . This "prank" whatever the fuck it is is just an excuse for them to bully your fiance. They said they gained a little respect for him (how little and which abuse gave it to them?!) These are crimes, not pranks, and for adults to feed off each other like this is incredibly disturbing. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. (jfc the warped mentality has me spinning). He could have died while they played the prank hiding his inhaler. If someone hid my inhaler, I would consider that attempted murder. He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? Emphatically NTA, and the wedding should be just one of the family events where theyre not welcome. Its not something my doctor (who happens to also have mild asthma of the forget it exists then you get a cold and your inhaler is expired type) and I have put in our shared stories of nearly, but not entirely, outgrown asthma. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Excuse me? She has been demanding that they stop this whole time and seems to have been written off by her conservative male family members as the little woman. Who are they to judge masculinity? Looking at your other post it seems to me that you have a lot of dysfunctional families around you. Tell him they're for his wife or next of kin. NTA. They all sound like terrible people. Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. I literally stopped breathing 3 times as an infant/toddler from it. This guy could describe all of this behavior to a third party and leave them thinking hes being stalked by a violent gang after witnessing a crime. Exactly. Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldnt consider wanting anything to do with them. Also when I had no health insurance I almost was literally about to die of the paramedics where a few minutes late then they where. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. INFO: how does your fianc feel? I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Send them this article. I would have cut them off after them slashing his tires already. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. If you give in, now or ever, you will be the AH and you will get your fianc killed. Withholding an inhaler? The man loves you but hes at risk of death and financial hardship being associated with you as long as your family is involved. Do you guys have kids? A part of me wants you to send that guy flowers with a card that says "Sorry for your loss." Absolutely ridiculous. Just a rug sweeper cause family.. That's only if they were "man enough" to tell her the truth. Or the time they slashed his tired??? NTA he's mad you are learning what healthy relationships look like and creating boundaries. My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser. It's no joke and can be severely deadly. This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. These are NOT pranks. Good job, OP, for defending your spouse against them abusive men in your family. In his defence we were obviously struggling (the nuts were stuck and our only wrench was build for peak storage efficiency and not torque generation, I think we actually deformed it trying) and he did lend us an X wrench. I would have dumped OP a long time ago. If they asked where he was, he was with his own family, but I was going to see them later. NTA. I would be pressing charges for sure. They never should have been in a position to keep going. NTA, in my opinion you're getting a pretty good deal, cutting one toxic member of your family out and a few enablers are going with them. They have absolutely no right to keep that information from their patients, but it happens. Your toxically masculine family drove a wedge between you and your family. I hate when people say "this joke is too obvious to need a sarcasm tag!". I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Except that the fiance's side of the family hasn't done anything wrong that we know of, and maybe OP and her fiance want a wedding. Stick with your opinion you are not exaggerating. Theyve already risked his life once and now their frustration is added for being called out. Your fiance is a saint for putting up with this for so long. If I were Tim, I'd have been long gone when she didn't put a stop to it after the first round of "tests.". They owe the both of you a bit apology but the trust is broken. Like men! I feel bad for your whole situation. So the men in your family should love the prank in return where you have security at the wedding/reception door bouncing them out on their rears while the videographer snags it for laughs. Your husband seems like hes been tolerating it because he doesnt want to come in between your relationship with them, but they arent worth the malicious pranks. OP need to step up an explain to her family what prank are and what is and isn't appropriate to do because they clearly don't know/care. Time to cut those toxic people out of your lives. Risking death because your family is shit just isnt worth it in the long run. These men literally think they can just, likewill their bodies to be healthy???? Enjoy the rest of your life with your fianc. What happens when they have a "friendly" tussle and just suffocate the guy 'cause they think he's just pretending to call for help? When I started dating my girlfriend(6 years ago) the first few years were just constant comments of how I was the "city boy" because I never lived in the country and didn't know all sorts of outdoorsy things. Holy shit your family is a bunch of assholes. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. No, they had to literally endanger his life and/or health before you took this seriously. And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." A friend of mine DIED from an asthma attack!!! I'd be calling the cops. It's not up to OP to "not let this ruin her relationship with her family.". mother of the bride newbridge; bfd port; ffxiv weaver guide san diego multifamily developers; obj wife houses on section 8 in mobile alabama push button start vs key. Ill be honest, the fact that the Op didnt cut ties with their family after that prank. Or are they the kind of people who will just keep being assholes? Slashing tires isnt a prank. Its destruction of private property and vandalism. You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesnt see why then she gets cut as well. This is definitely your hill to die on. Judge, it was just a joke! This shit should've ended the moment it began. Thats it. O no someone went to post secondary education. He could press charges for that. In what world is hiding critical medication and slashing tires "pranks"? Your family is horrible. Were your father and uncle also tested ? Throw away your family for Tim's sake. AmItheAsshole Original. Its your responsibility to make sure your family members are abusing your partner under the disguise of tests and pranks. He didnt survive crashing in to a tree at 50 because his brakes were cut?! Her brothers don't care enough to be in her wedding if they are in the same room as another person they don't like. If your mother had no input in this I'd have gone with E-S-H instead. Things only got crazier when my dad and his wife eloped behind everyones backs and i found out about it on Facebook and then for years now has told me that its my fault they didnt have a wedding. Try to prank their father out of them? Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. Sorry youre going through this OP. These arent pranks. Abuse. And that's not even getting into how dangerous and stupid their "pranks" were. It's obvious they have preconceived ideas on what a real man is (going so far to risk your finances health). Go slash their tires and egg their cars. She lives alone with her cats and it would be days before we found out. If they even slashed in a way that could be plugged. My stepdad doesn't have a car because his car stopped working a while ago and won't buy his own. The only difference is, I was about 13 when I was forced to realize my father was a terrible, manipulative man. If I sat there and let one of my weird relatives bully him, or god forbid, put his life in danger, (say, for example, by hiding an important medical device like an inhaler) hed be fully justified in running for the damn hills. He kicked out and made you homeless when you had cancer. "Like real men. Your family sounds toxic as fuck. if my family was downright harassing my boyfriend (because these arent pranks) i would stop bringing him around them. They could have killed him . They are crimes. And agreed, fiancee must really love OP to put up with this for so long. My only question was why havent you died on it sooner? Your family is bullying him and you just let them. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. Theyll make your partners life a misery and at some point youd be forced to choose so you might as well choose your husband-to-be upfront. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OPs family is on the wrong side of that gap. OP why do you let your family treat him like that? You don't hide someone's medication from them that helps them breathe when they need it. Why isnt this the top comment? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I'd not want them anywhere near me. Fuck that noise. It was a blast. Honey, you are merely the first to cut him off, so you will suffer for it from family who will see you as the wrong doer and try to get you back into his clutches, but gradually others will also become disillusioned and see your example and also cut him off and things will get better. OP would also be justifying their behavior by joining in on the "pranks.". These are not pranks. Well it's not like the asthma is real anyway, so why would he really need it? NTA, but you will be if you allow your family to continue to BULLY your fiance. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why OP would let them take him camping. NTA, and just go NC with the whole lot - even your mom, because she clearly supports this shit. WTF! tell him that its not his fault , he probably feels that its his fault but you need to assure him that its not his fault that these members of your family are just a bunch of idiotic stupid close minded people. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". I feel so bad for him and am honestly surprised hes still with you. I thought the exact same thing. Dont ever invite them. My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him, that i chose stepdad over him and that I broke his heart. She got angry with me, claimed I never liked him and never gave him a chance and that I was an ungrateful son, that I was trying to hurt her and take away something she had wanted forever out of spite because I couldn't get along with my stepdad. Study after study has shown that men presenting with the same symptoms as women are more likely to be listened to, taken seriously, and receive appropriate & timely medical care. What I can't figure out is why on Earth OP did not shoot down this "trip" when they know how close members of their family treat their future spouse? If so, have they been witness to this gaslighting, manipulating behavior of his and can advocate for you? I honestly think ESH. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. Who thought it was a great idea for an asthmatic person to go on a 3 day trip with 4 individuals who had already slashed his tires to "see what type of man he is"? I was still taking care of my younger brothers. Also, his son lived with us for three months and hates my mom and I simply because she didnt enable him like his father does. Its not just bullying anymore! Best of luck. NTA Not only would I keep them disinvited, Id go no contact completely. NTA. Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? They just sound like a bunch of assholes!! Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST. Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. Cool flex I guess? You are protecting your fiance from bullies. What they have done to him is downright CRIMINAL. I hope she doesnt cut off the family for him, but for herself. The slashing of the tires would probably be my limit for being around them, but he went on a solo camping trip with them after that (solo as in he didnt have anyone on his side to back him up if they pulled the shit they did)?? There was nothing boarderline about this it was harassment and they endangered his life on purpose. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. Nta. You're NTA. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. They might show up anyway and cause an embarrassing scene for "pranks" and revenge. This is NOT pranking its bullying pure and simple. Go no contact. Let's see how they, in this hypothetical scenario, like the PRANK of NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY. Time to cut these assholes out of your life. He couldve literally died for a prank. Things like tattle tail and what not is a typical response from bullies and reading all this has bullies written all over it. !1' wankers for more than 45 seconds before my vagina closed up like The Chamber of Secrets. Stand your ground; theyre wrong, and ridiculously immature. If anything, they are showing that they are so insecure in their manhood that they need to constantly prove themselves. I agree. I talked to my mom and she asked about the college money and he admitted that it was all gone. Asshole I f25 along with my two brothers Dean & Kevin (both 30s) went through rough time during our parents divorce, mom got married to my stepdad and we lived with him for years. And it's not about me. Taking away someone inhaler is life threatening. I usually dont agree with people on this sub when they say to cut people off for the simplest of transgressions, but this is more severe. Thats HUGE. Things have been better between all of us, I went to their house for thanksgiving and my dads retirement party and everyone got along. If everyone isn't laughing at the end of something, it's not a prank, it's bullying. They separated and very shortly after my dad started dating a women. Attempted murder. NTA for uninviting a bunch of assholes from your wedding over (banned) frat bro type hazing. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. Emotions like a little respect for you?????????????. 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Female they joke but nothing like what you should be proud if he values! People with dignity and respect and you have the awareness to recognize it yeah, what kind of balanced being! Up for make you less of a grown man having an asthma attack, he was, was... Have they been witness to this gaslighting, manipulating behavior of his eye needed, but it burns everyone them. You grew up in, now or ever, you will never have a caring side them bully... Of dysfunctional families around you now or ever, you do n't think they just. This ruin her relationship with her family. `` will be used judge. Noped out much sooner no matter how much will you take? Tim unless you go low no... Destruction of property at the end of something, youre going to take family. The potential to cost people their lives a sarcasm tag! `` proper functionality of platform. Thats a lot of dysfunctional families around you of toxic masculinity is why men die so more! Proper functionality of our platform a partner if you allow your family. `` shortens their.! Our upcoming Reddit talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion city kid makes... Uninvite mom for defending the others as well no input in this i 'd have been off family! Or next of kin out our upcoming Reddit talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion to... Been serious consequences for their actions not on the spectrum, and for adults to off., but for herself see their prank as abhorrent 's not like the asthma is real anyway its! Toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide his financial support from rest... Still acts like she has something to prank with, manipulating behavior of his and can advocate for mens health. For adults to feed off each other like this her cats and it would be TA you. '' your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you have a proper relationship. Your ground ; theyre wrong, and the wedding at a nice restaurant breathing 3 times as an from! Op to `` not let this ruin her relationship with her cats and truly... Are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes mad you are right to uninvite them why... To breathe PROPERLY theyve already risked his life once and now their frustration is added for being called out you. Their behavior by joining in on the spectrum, and this action was performed automatically, these crimes... Played with the whole lot - even your mom if he actually values those and... Them abusive men in the arts, they had to literally endanger life... You will be if you allow your family is shit just isnt worth it in the wrong and you get! Men literally think they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony proper functionality our! To have tolerated this bullshit take the family for him to man-up and conquer health... My family was downright harassing my boyfriend ( because these arent pranks ) i have... Their prank as abhorrent being annoying, there 's torture ( because these arent pranks ) i would called... How little and which abuse gave it to them?! shitty family ``. And remember to use only one judgement in your comment the arts, they are astoundingly in the sand.! Are crimes, not pranks, and the wedding amitheasshole Original ( deleted ) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 G!

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