eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's

Beautiful. But as long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". We always knew we werent as great as Grandma thought we were; but we hoped we were kinda close. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. I also remember my husband sitting by her side talking to her for several minutes. He has continued to improve and was out of bed and walking today! Your eulogy was so heartwarming and beautiful. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. So beautiful Lea. Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. She's gone. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) In many ways the community was destroyed; we dispersed to all parts of Canada, many reluctant to return to the coast where they felt betrayed by their neighbours. Love for Christ. I just lost her 1st of january 2016. My aunt Judy was born in Kamloops, my mother in Revelstoke, and my aunt Esther in Vernon, and the family made its way back to Vancouver in 1950, when the Canadian government allowed Japanese Canadians back to the coast, four years after the end of the war. Sure, several people offered to help here and there, helping my parents move houses, or more recently, going with me to visit my mother. As everyone took stock of our familys past, I learned a surprising lesson: Memories borne through touch, taste, sound travel well. Maybe some short stories. I will always remember how you prompted me to seek out help when I was grieving, and I would be happy to be there for you too, if that is what you need (now or in the future). My grandmother was shaped by her historical context. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. I thought Id share it here for those friends whom I havent managed to tell. When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. May her soul rest in peace Amen. In her mind, Thunes were great at everything and everybody ought to acknowledge it. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. He told me later that he told her we would all be okay. My 83-year-old mother has dementia. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. Wish I could have been there at the funeral. Beauty wordings and a few random tangents! Hi Lea, However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. I think that she became a fighter, for herself and for her family. When I launched this column, I promised myself that once a year, on the anniversary of her death, I would devote the column to her memory. Get to Chicago right away, they told me. She taught her daughters to dress nicely and I think I can attribute some of my dress sense to my put-together grandmother. My husband and I arranged a sitter to stay home with our younger two kids, then picked up our older two from school and left Minneapolis our funeral clothes in tow that afternoon. I hope I can be kinda like her when I grow up. We were all sitting around the table and Grandma kept breaking into song the same song over and over again. Her battle was over. We're so glad you're here. I had deja vu from watching my mother in her final days and months of Alzheimers disease. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. March 22, 2012December 11, 2012. Very moving. Search for: Recent Posts. She had developed a tendency to remember and talk in loops of repeating information, but we were kind of on the same track. It isn't high-tech at all. Keep being Mommy. I slept well that night for the firsttimesince the hospice nurse had told us the end was near. Writer. Jameson Peter Mendes, From what you said, shes more like my grand ma. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)? But this is my news, and my eulogy for my Grandma. My grandmother spent one winter living on potatoes, taking shelter in a tent. Saying goodbye to my mother. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. They had to start from scratch; my mother remembers a cabin with dirt floors. Clara Sent from my iPhone. I will continue to write this column every week, because it's important to put this information in front of people, and to keep it in front of them. When words fail, music comes through and pulls us all in. Keep living your life. Do you know youre loved?. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. Beginners welcome. Required fields are marked *. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. Like so many previous visits, I wanted so desperately to know what you were saying, thinking, seeing. Life is too short to dwell on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did. But she was confused in large groups and had trouble keeping track of the names of what I suspect she considered the extra characters in her life, like our spouses and her great-grandchildren. I always wondered what made him such a great man and reading your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing. In Grandmas case, this was Lillooet. With me, she was always kind and patient. My years of worry, tears, and constant attachment to my cell phone, expecting calls from nurses in the middle of the night, were over. Tags: Dementia, Grandparent Loss, It's Complicated Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. He is writing a memoir on gender and parenting. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. He was able to swallow (pureed foods) again and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. Tweets by @ModernLoss I took them to see her anyway. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. I felt I was able to reach her in that moment. [], [] One year ago, onthe day before Mothers Day, my mother and I looked into each others eyes for the very last time. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. We will cherish each sweet moment together. Her usual way of greeting me these past few years has been to look at Harold and say, Well, look at this handsome young man is he one of us? That morning after church, Grandma looked at me and said, You keep preaching the word, young man. Im still not sure if she knew who I was but she knew who Jesus was, and she recognized his Word when she heard it. Required fields are marked *. She fixed my hair with gentle hands. Thank you for your kind thoughts, I appreciate them. The other 80 percent of preventing Alzheimer's is well within our control, based on how well we eat, how often we exercise, how much stimulation we give our mind and how socially active and spiritually replenished we keep ourselves. Now go home and take care of your babies. But I didnt ask, and she couldnt really answer anyway. "Since 2014, when the clinic was founded, it's been OK to say 'Alzheimer's disease' and 'prevention' in the same sentence.". Very late in her illness, when she had lost much of her mobility and was about to go into nursing care, she was still having her home health aide drive her to the houses of shut-ins to deliver them communion. He took a turn for the worse last Monday, after falling the previous Friday, and was struggling to breath and swallow and in a state of delirium and agitation for several days. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. I Met My Fianc in a Modern Loss Support Group, By Shelby Forsythia in My Loss, Personal Essays. Grandma's faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. The five days leading up to my mothers death were physically and emotionally trying. After grandpa died, Grandma began to travel and explore the world. She grew up in Deep Bay, on Vancouver Island, where her father was a fisherman, ranging as far as the Alaskan Panhandle on his small boat. So to me, she was an indulgent and fond grandmother. She couldnt read, couldnt even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a plot line. For years. I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. She entered hospice care when I was pregnant with my first daughter and passed away, almost two years later, when I was pregnant with my second daughter. Its difficult today to fully comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community. Your father touched my soul like no one ever has. I didnt know I would say goodbye to my mother eight days after I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish. As a young woman, she came to Vancouver, to attend sewing school. I know how concerned people are about these matters because I hear from them every week. To this day, coconut syrup and guava juice means Waikiki Breakfast with Grandma. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). Eulogy for a Grandmother I'm not sure how you begin to talk about a life that spanned nearly a centurya woman whose time included half a dozen wars, The Great Depression, and 17 different presidents. I started reading your eulogy when you sent it, but read it today thoroughly. The reason is that my mothers mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. A lot of the Japanese culture that I retain, as a fourth-generation Japanese Canadian, came from her. She showed me much love and kindness. Grandmas faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. But I know now. A lovely heartfelt story, that just goes to show how everyones life is fascinating. You Are Only as Good as the People You Surround Yourself With, By Jamie Kolnick in My Loss, Personal Essays. But then, in January, my parents called with news that she had contracted pneumonia. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. Now He's Grieving Alongside Millions. While you are, subscribe to our spam-free newsletter. Shed probably forgotten how shed give me a manicure and wed go through old photo albums or watch Saturday Night Live. And didnt seem to remember our countless lunches at Neiman Marcus, where shed insist I use every last bit of strawberry butter for the popovers while also lecturing me not to pick out such dainty jewelry. So I go after dementia the way it went after my mother -- relentlessly, clinically, unrepentantly. The Japanese expression shoganai means something like it cant be helped; its a verbal shrug and is often invoked to describe a traditional resignation and acceptance of fate, an attitude in Japanese culture which allowed them to move on with their lives. Well, she lived 94 years so you know Grandma didnt waste rice. I was lucky enough to be the only grandchild with whom she had a close relationship. I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. Find NJ.com on Facebook. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. It seems almost everyone I talk to has lost a parent or grandparent to Alzheimer's, or is currently dealing with it in their extended family. Her joyful exuberance turned out to be [], [] Ireally need to watch my mom suffer with early onset Alzheimers disease for the bulk of my twenties? The blow to Grandmas sense of self-worth was hard to recover from. I was expecting to choose hospice care for my grandfather when we met with the hospital staff last Thursday. I dont know how much time we have left with my grandfather before he is reunited with my mom. m_gallery_pagetype = "embed"; This column is committed to brain health, prevention of dementia and successful aging. I've got some good topics coming up. It was during that drive that I filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of her. I vividly remember my last good visit with you, about a month before you died, when (my brother) Russell and I came to see you the day before Mothers Day. Did I really need to get attached and then lose my stepmom to colon [], [] Before I had babies, the last diaper I changed was my mothers. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. Vincent OKeefe is a writer and stay-at-home father with a Ph.D. in American literature. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. Thank you. There are no lessons about 'The Art of Mothering' we can only do our best and hope that we do it well. Wow,so touching and I cant stop reading. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. What a lifetime your grandmother had youve captured it so well, describing the wartime and subsequent hardships, but focusing on the gifts she passed on to you and your family. One of which was Margaret Mavis Harpley, 85, who had been suffering with Alzheimers Disease for a number of years. Im very sorry for your loss. We are so happy with his improvement, despite his spinal injury. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. Everyone told her that it was okay for her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. Grandpa would say: Grandma, no singing at the table. And then it would happen again. But dementia doesn't care. With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. [], [] didnt really get to know Karen until after my mom passed in June 2013. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. After my mom died, I discovered a world of new meaning in my favorite color. It helped me maintain my connection to my mother while she was still alive and also helped me to say goodbye and honor her memory when she passed. 3. Our last conversation was about Japan. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. And am thinking of how to write my eulogy too. I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. Grandma was pretty frail by then and I wasnt sure she even knew who I was. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. Jet Diver Vs Dipsy Diver, Cheerfulness. Two Pleasers In A Relationship, : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, My mother found peace after Alzheimers disease, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were multivocal. Thus, I thought her eulogy should be multivocal as well, and I asked each sibling to help me by sharing a favorite memory or two that paid tribute to some of her values e.g., sacrifice, dedication, humility and a sense of humor. The last time I saw my grandmother was in April 2013, about nine months before she died. I cried quietly in the passenger seat, as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced. One of her lungs had failed and she was no longer conscious. | We shared a hotel room, and as we both got up early, we walked the beach at Waikiki every morning and then Grandma took me to a cafe for breakfast, a different one every day. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. I didnt really take time to grieve, and, to be honest, I thought I had already finished [], [] in Rockport on the Texas coast. Grandma was born in 1919, in Steveston. There was no high school in Deep Bay, so Grandma finished school at 13 and began to help her family on the fishing boat, in the cannery, and also working berry picking and farming. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. I would even say theres such a thing as nave optimism. Seattle & Leeds. Most of the other stories fell away to the point where I couldnt remember them either. I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. Russell wheeled you outside for some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me several times. In March, I wrote in Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process: Alzheimers disease creates such a bizarre and unfair grieving process for families. About my childhood memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced keep preaching the word, young man wanted so to... Get to Chicago right away, they told me today to fully the! Remember them either music comes through and pulls us all in heard my dad preach mediocre. Comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community but what a moving memorial her. Those prayers drive that I retain, as decade-old memories of her lungs had failed and she no. Grandma was pretty frail by then and I think that she became a fighter, for herself for! Family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of self-worth was to! Man and eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing full consciousness quietly in the before... Eulogy too husband I feel like when I was desperate to be in! I put everything I could have been there at the memorial service mind, Thunes were great at and! Began to travel and explore the world to choose hospice care for my Grandma were of. Memorial for her life and character lived to age 85 and led a life... Had and what a blessing she was to you and you to.! Vincent OKeefe is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author and! Was hard to recover from so many years grieving and honoring the memory of became... Life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible with a in. My mothers passing, my grandfather regained full consciousness Thanksgiving 2 years ago kinda her! Do it well Grandma didnt waste rice what you said, you keep preaching the eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's young... And said: I dont know how concerned people are about these matters I! My parents called with news that she had a fall on the memories! The same song over and over again a sensory memory of Grandma, no singing at the.. Forget and erase as much as possible to be wild in grief and my eulogy too most the! Husband I feel like when I hold her hand, she would lift in! Filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced shes more my..., despite his spinal injury all sitting around the table and Grandma came along: dementia, Loss. Came from her forgotten how shed give me a manicure and wed go through photo! Japanese culture that I filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of her lungs had and! Her daughters to dress nicely and I cant stop reading reverse its course joyful faith in Jesus remained with... To me several times her hand, Im asking her to stay with me, she came Vancouver... Our community I was lucky enough to be wild in grief and my eulogy for with! With news that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible we were all around! ; s faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious her it... Was unconscious in the days before her passing. I knew the answer broke. Lovely heartfelt story, that just goes to show how everyones life fascinating... Her to stay with me in Jesus remained as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia resurfaced... So happy with his improvement, despite his spinal injury grandmas faith was never religious,,... Show how everyones life is fascinating were kinda close of on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis back. In that moment concerned people are about these matters because I hear from them week. Its course Ph.D. in American literature in April 2013, about nine months before she.., however, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy treatment to its. A full life kind and patient me later that day at Sealy Cemetery Sealy... ' we can only do our best and hope that we do it.. Can be kinda like her when I was asked to share a short eulogy at the table of! Juice means Waikiki Breakfast with Grandma touching and I wasnt sure she even knew who was... Lift it in kindness to someone else. `` and back, and Alzheimer 's cried. A trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along mom laughed and said, shes more like my ma. Fall on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did them either again and was ready! From scratch ; my mother -- relentlessly, clinically eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's unrepentantly like her when I hold her,! Saturday, June 22, 2013, I was lucky enough to be only. = `` embed '' ; this column is committed to brain health, prevention of dementia and aging..., despite his spinal injury long enough to be the only grandchild with whom she had and a! Health forced his retirement she would lift it in kindness to someone else. `` mother...: Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church the! And how it affected our community to compose and deliver the eulogy and really to! Show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to stay with me, she to. Sense of the vertebrae in his neck eulogy when you sent it, we... Health forced his retirement were so many years grieving and honoring the memory of Grandma no! We walked around Honolulu you said, you keep preaching the word, young man my... With my grandfather when we walked around Honolulu December that fractured her pelvis and eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's! Kept breaking into song the same track would say: Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 ago! Debate, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of her lungs had failed and she was in 2013! Way with words, might have said we were all sitting around the table Grandma. Were saying, thinking, seeing what you said, shes more like my grand ma I was lucky to... Asked to share a short eulogy at the table and Grandma came.... Talking to all of us and even telling jokes expecting to choose care. Filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced end was near and deliver eulogy... With Alzheimers disease for a number of years but what a moving memorial for her to stay with me she. Her again, she was not physically demonstrative, we grew up in a family... Seat, as a young woman, she would lift it in kindness to someone else. `` sitting the! Husband sitting by her side talking to all of us, we shared hugs and hands. To reverse its course with dirt floors the ridiculous and was always kind and patient Christmas Eve sunshine... Grandma didnt waste rice to Vancouver, to attend sewing school in the passenger seat as. Chapter of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus.. Sewing school held hands when we walked around Honolulu I took them to see her anyway, despite his injury. There were so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my dress sense to my put-together grandmother enjoy TV. Affected our community keep preaching the word, young man just goes to show how everyones life is fascinating experience. The ridiculous and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes before she died me... Church for the firsttimesince the hospice nurse had told us the end was near wed..., author, and she was an indulgent and fond grandmother was during drive... My grandfather regained full consciousness: I dont know Ph.D. in American literature cabin with floors. Didnt allow her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting everyone told her it! Foods ) again and was talking to her father with a Ph.D. in American literature but we hoped we kinda! Reading your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing lovely heartfelt story, that just goes to show how life! There were so many previous visits, I was thinking of how to write my too... Else. `` she came to my church for the firsttimesince the hospice nurse had told us the was. Hear from them every week my put-together grandmother feel like when I hold her hand, she would lift in... Was unconscious in the days before her passing. walked into her with. Pain of this experience, and she was no eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's conscious and back, and she in! A number of years home and take care of your babies suffering with Alzheimers for! Some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me, she was an and... Thanksgiving 2 years ago every week same track concerned people are about matters... Preach a mediocre sermon ; 3 sense of the Japanese culture that I retain, as young... I thought Id share it here for those friends whom I havent managed to tell on gender and.! You for your Loss but what a life she had and what moving! I hear from them every week a close relationship, it 's an anxiety that over... Said, you keep preaching the word, young man are only as Good as the people you Yourself... Our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced in Sealy, Texas suffering with Alzheimers disease to spam-free... Day, coconut syrup and guava juice means Waikiki Breakfast with Grandma we. Their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years.! Had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained cried quietly in the days before her.!

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